1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Thursday, September 29, 2011

[7.50/10] Final Destination 5 [3D] (2011)

Final Destination 5 [3D] (2011)

Brief review: The Final Destination franchise had its ups and downs over the years, but the 2011 installment is a true breath of fresh air and, in fact, tons of fun. Plot-wise, "FD 5" brings nothing new to the table, however, director Steven Quale's inventive direction and a few clever twists here and there make up for the lack of originality. The acting is decent from everyone involved, except for Nicholas D'Agosto. He appears a bit stiff in his role as Sam, and not very convincing at all. The rest of the cast is okay, with Jacqueline Wood being the eye-candy, and Miles Fisher - the standout. The visuals are definitely the strongest and slickest in the series so far. The bridge sequence in particular is nothing short of spectacular. The demolition of the bridge is so realistic and superbly-crafted, it feels like watching a tragic event on the news, rather than a horror movie sequence. "FD 5" is all about the deaths though. Every single one of the death scenes is executed to perfection, delightfully gross and in-your-face gory. You'll find yourself covering your eyes and turning your head off, but at the same time, deep inside, you'll be satisfied by the extreme graphicness of it. The 3D is well-used, beyond effective, and certainly adds to the horrific experience.

Overall summary: Although it's basically more-of-the-same, "FD 5" is almost a masterpiece compared to its dreadful predecessor, plus, thanks to its uber-creative death scenes, fantastic gore effects, and great use of 3D, this installment can be easily considered the best of the series.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Blogfest: Nebular's "Filthy" Dozen - The 12 Worst Movies Ever

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest:

My 12 Most-Hated Movies of All Time

[in alphabetical order]

My great friend, Alex J. Cavanaugh, hosts his 5th blogfest, and this time, it's all about the movies yet again. However, there's a twist. It's not about our favorite ones, but about those we hate and despise, which is a rather cool idea. Thanks for the awesome blogfest, Alex!

Over the years, I've seen tons of dumb, rotten, hideous and downright unwatchable movies, but those 12 listed below are definitely the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Check out my "Filthy Dozen" list, and let's see if you agree with me or not. :) I bet there are many worse films then those I list, but thankfully I haven't watched them. :)

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Uwe Boll constantly proves himself as one of the worst film-makers working today, and his video game-based piece of crap,"Along in the Dark", is probably the most stupid, uninspired, poorly-crafted and laughably terrible movie I've ever seen.

I've never been so bored by a movie in my life, like I was bored by this one. Without a single interesting moment, "Ballistic" is hands down the dullest and most tedious action movie ever made. Period.

Barb Wire (1996)

Do I really need to say something about this film? It's all so obvious: Pam Anderson stars as a badass chick in a futuristic(?!) action thriller...!!! You're kidding me, right? This girl's brain has more silicone in it than her tits do.

A "Delta Force" spoof, huh? Who's "brilliant" idea was that? "Farce" is an absolute comedic disaster and I hated every second of it!

Disaster Movie (2008)

There are decent spoofs, there are bad spoofs, there are some truly terrible spoofs, and then there's "Disaster Movie", that definitely lives up to its title.

D-Tox a.k.a. Eye See You (2000)

Slashers could not get any worse the that. This so-called killer-chiller has everything awful you could think of - cliches, predictability, lack of imagination, and... Sylvester Stallone.

FearDotCom (2002)

Fear my ass. This sadistic junk of a movie not only lacks scares, thrills and chills big time, but it's also one of the most ugly-looking and visually-sloppy horror movies ever created.

House of the Dead (2003)

Surprise, surpriiise! Another Uwe Boll film... which automatically means another pathetic effort! "House of the Dead" was so unbelievably horrible and so bloody dumb, I quit watching after 15 minutes.

Jason X (2002)

The "Friday 13th" films are by no means masterpieces, but this one clearly crossed the line of the acceptable. Jason Vorhees looks like cheap robot and slaughters people in space. How ridiculous is that?!

Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow (1994)

Painfully unfunny, terribly-made

and full of WTF moments, this 6th sequel of "Police Academy" is just as stupid as it sounds.

Rollerball (2002)

This remake of the 1975 "Rollerball" is choppy, ludicrous, terribly-acted, boring as hell, and completely unnecessary. I still can't believe I paid to see this shitty snooze-fest. Worst movie ever? Hell yeah!

"Urban Legends: Final Cut" is a poor sequel to a mediocre original. It's as simple as that. It features a boring killer, even more boring plot and out-of-this-world stupid characters. Pure slasher garbage!

Dishonorable mentions:

Wild Orchid (1990), Bats (1999), Watcher (2001), Valentine (2001), Soul Survivors (2001), Half Past Dead (2002), The Order (2003), Absolon (2003), The Thirst (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008)

[6.00/10] Atrocious (2011)

Atrocious (2011)

This Spanish 'found footage' horror flick is kind of a slow-burner, and despite its 75 min running time, it feels a bit too long and dragged out, because of its unimaginative plot, however, "Atrocious" delivers some believable performances, a couple of truly tense and chilling moments, and a shocking twist at the end, that not only works well, but also manages to make up for the screenplay's shortcomings.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

[4.00/10] Shark Night [3D] (2011)

Shark Night [3D] (2011)

Full review: Being a big fan of shark-related movies and judging from "Shark Night"'s cool poster and previews, I expected this film to be pure mindless entertainment. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Despite the countless cliches, "Shark Night 3D" is quite watchable at first, even moderately fun at times, however, after the reveal of how the sharks have gotten into the lake, the movie gets dumber and dumber with each next scene, and turns into a big fat "fishy" mess, that hardly makes any sense. I can't believe I'm saying this, but if it was more straight-forward, it could have been a lot better and a lot more fun to watch than it actually was. The scares are also lacking big time, except for the fact that there are a couple of sudden shark attacks, that might make you jump out of your seat. "Final Destination 2" director, David R. Ellis, does a pretty good job in the first half of the movie, delivering plenty of creative and diverse camera angles, yet unfortunately, his direction goes absolutely out of control later on, and turns from decent to amateurishly lame. Maybe, in the right hands, "Shark Night" could have been a great silly fun, but sadly, it's just silly. The most (unpleasantly) surprising thing about this movie is, that the special effects are shockingly bad and poorly-executed. During the underwater scenes, the sharks and their movements look so cartoonishly fake and the CGI work is so obvious, it's laughable. The 3D ranges from decent to completely hideous, and adds nothing to the visuals of the movie, nor to the overall experience. On a positive note though, the scenery is beautiful, and the lake itself - absolutely glorious. Acting-wise, "Shark Night 3D" also disappoints. The entire cast is incredibly charming and full of fresh faces, however, none of the young actors/actresses possesses any acting skills whatsoever. Sara Paxton is as phony and incapable as she's cute, Dustin Milligan is ridiculously stiff, Joel David Moore is goofy as usual, Chris Zylka is nothing more than just a pretty face, and former American Idol contestant, Katharine McPhee, is mediocre at best in her role as Beth. Joshua Leonard as Red delivers the only worthy performance here.

Overall summary: A few fun-to-watch attack scenes aside, pretty much everything about "Shark Night 3D" is wrong - the story is absurd, the characters are shallow, the special effects are cheesy at best, and the conclusion is downright ridiculous. If you want to see a truly frightening, tense and realistic shark flick, check out Traucki's "The Reef" instead.