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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Blogfest: Nebular's "Filthy" Dozen - The 12 Worst Movies Ever


Worst Movies Ever Blogfest:

My 12 Most-Hated Movies of All Time


[in alphabetical order]

My great friend, Alex J. Cavanaugh, hosts his 5th blogfest, and this time, it's all about the movies yet again. However, there's a twist. It's not about our favorite ones, but about those we hate and despise, which is a rather cool idea. Thanks for the awesome blogfest, Alex!

Over the years, I've seen tons of dumb, rotten, hideous and downright unwatchable movies, but those 12 listed below are definitely the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Check out my "Filthy Dozen" list, and let's see if you agree with me or not. :) I bet there are many worse films then those I list, but thankfully I haven't watched them. :)


Alone in the Dark (2005)

Uwe Boll constantly proves himself as one of the worst film-makers working today, and his video game-based piece of crap,"Along in the Dark", is probably the most stupid, uninspired, poorly-crafted and laughably terrible movie I've ever seen.








I've never been so bored by a movie in my life, like I was bored by this one. Without a single interesting moment, "Ballistic" is hands down the dullest and most tedious action movie ever made. Period.







Barb Wire (1996)

Do I really need to say something about this film? It's all so obvious: Pam Anderson stars as a badass chick in a futuristic(?!) action thriller...!!! You're kidding me, right? This girl's brain has more silicone in it than her tits do.








A "Delta Force" spoof, huh? Who's "brilliant" idea was that? "Farce" is an absolute comedic disaster and I hated every second of it!











Disaster Movie (2008)

There are decent spoofs, there are bad spoofs, there are some truly terrible spoofs, and then there's "Disaster Movie", that definitely lives up to its title.










D-Tox a.k.a. Eye See You (2000)

Slashers could not get any worse the that. This so-called killer-chiller has everything awful you could think of - cliches, predictability, lack of imagination, and... Sylvester Stallone.








FearDotCom (2002)

Fear my ass. This sadistic junk of a movie not only lacks scares, thrills and chills big time, but it's also one of the most ugly-looking and visually-sloppy horror movies ever created.









House of the Dead (2003)

Surprise, surpriiise! Another Uwe Boll film... which automatically means another pathetic effort! "House of the Dead" was so unbelievably horrible and so bloody dumb, I quit watching after 15 minutes.









Jason X (2002)

The "Friday 13th" films are by no means masterpieces, but this one clearly crossed the line of the acceptable. Jason Vorhees looks like cheap robot and slaughters people in space. How ridiculous is that?!








Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow (1994)

Painfully unfunny, terribly-made

and full of WTF moments, this 6th sequel of "Police Academy" is just as stupid as it sounds.










Rollerball (2002)

This remake of the 1975 "Rollerball" is choppy, ludicrous, terribly-acted, boring as hell, and completely unnecessary. I still can't believe I paid to see this shitty snooze-fest. Worst movie ever? Hell yeah!










"Urban Legends: Final Cut" is a poor sequel to a mediocre original. It's as simple as that. It features a boring killer, even more boring plot and out-of-this-world stupid characters. Pure slasher garbage!








Dishonorable mentions:

Wild Orchid (1990), Bats (1999), Watcher (2001), Valentine (2001), Soul Survivors (2001), Half Past Dead (2002), The Order (2003), Absolon (2003), The Thirst (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008)

74 comments:

Caledonia Lass said...

Wow! None of these are on my list, however I will make sure they are on my list of what not to watch.

Seriously, they made a Police Academy 7???? Lame. XD

Nebular said...

Caledonia, seriously? You're lucky you haven't seen any of those. They're absolutely horrible!

Yep, they did. Can you imagine? No. is soooo lame, you won't believe it! LOL.

Maynard Morrissey said...

Agree on Urban Legends 2, Police Academy 7, House Of The Dead, Alone In The Dark - all crap.

Disagree on Valentine (I really like that!) and Jason X (Fun!)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

None ended up on my list, but many of those spoof movies qualify. And we have one in common - House of the Dead! All of Uwe Boll's movies qualify.
Glagolitic you had fun with this one. I'm sure you've seen far more stinkers than I, although I've seen most on your list. Unfortunately!

Nebular said...

Maynard, glad you agree about those three. As for the rest, they were not just bad, they were one of the worst I've ever seen. How you could enjoy such a tedious film as Valentine? Jason X... Oh, God, I don't even want to talk about it. RIDICULOUS!

Nebular said...

Alex, none of these? Really? Wow! I thought those are some of the worst I've seen. I can only what your lists consists of! :) Uwe Boll is an idiot. They shouldn't have let him to start a directing career.

Those are the stinkiest stinkers I've seen, Alex. :) There are others like "Gigli" and "Baby Geniuses 2" that might be worse than those, but I haven't seen them, because I knew they'd suck.

Melissa Bradley said...

Great list, hun. All of these movies suck out loud and sideways. Uwe Boll should be barred from ever making another film. LOL

I'll be posting mine shortly , so stop on by if you get a chance. I'm dying to know what you think.

Hope you are well, my friend. Hugs!

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

We have a few of the movies in common! :-)

Isis Rushdan said...

Uwe Boll is on my list. House of the Dead. He should be banned from making any more movies.

I actually liked Ballistic. I didn't think it was that bad.

I almost put Jason X on my list, but it is Jason in space so you know what you're getting yourself into.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Wow, glad I've missed all of these. I really liked the original Rollerball so I didn't even bother with the remake.

Budd said...

I am not sure if disaster movie and their ilk should count as they are deliberately trying to make bad movies. Whats that? They aren't? oh, nevermind.

iZombie [2vs8] said...

not that is a matter, but i love all those films you hate... but what i do like is your choices of movies you chose to watch.


jeremy
twothumbseightfingers.blogspot.com

Jeffrey Beesler said...

I do believe Disaster Movie and Jason X are the only movies I've ever heard of that are on your list. Glad I missed them!

Elizabeth Mueller said...

Hmmm, I heard of most of these movies. I'm learning so much from this blogfest! ;)


♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥

Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?

YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!

Lydia Kang said...

I"m happy to say I haven't watched any of these, so I'm good. Phew!

Nebular said...

Mel, thanks hon. Glad you thought so. Uwe Boll is an absolute idiot and the most tasteless filmmaker ever.

I can't wait to check out your list! It will be fun.

Nebular said...

Angela, I'm so glad to hear that. Those we have in common are terrible, aren't they? :)

Nebular said...

Isis, you liked Ballistic? Really? I hated every minute of it. Boring as hell!

If Uwe had a brain, he should have stopped making movies. Obviously, he hasn't.:)

Nebular said...

L. Diane Wolfe, you should be. They all SUCKED!

Nebular said...

Budd, they're trying to make funny movies, and they fail. Disaster Movies ranks amongst the worst spoofs ever.

Nebular said...

iZombie, you're kidding me, right? :) I respect everybody's opinion, so I'm okay with that. Thanks, glad you like my picks :)

Nebular said...

Jeffrey, don't check out any of those. EVER!

Nebular said...

Elizabeth, you should be glad you've ONLY heard of them. :)

Nebular said...

Lydia, you're one happy person then :)

russbetney said...

The only one on your list that I've seen is Jason X. I watched it with friends while getting drunk, so we just laughed at lot, but I'm sure it is crap. So, no Planet of the Apes from Tim Burton?! These films on your list must be truly awful, because that was seriously rotten!

Nebular said...

Russ, buddy, I've seen hundreds of films that are worse than Burton's Planet of the Apes. Imagine that! :)

msmariah said...

We must think alike b/c we have a lot of the same ones on our list. If I would have added 12 instead of 10 I would have added Barb Wire as well. Awful, awful, awful.

I do disagree about Jason X. I thought that Jason was somewhat redeemable b/c it was both cheesy and violent. I actually enjoyed that one.

msmariah said...

Great blog by the way. I'm following you now!

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

whoo hoo!
glad to say i haven't seen a single one of these!
yay, for hours of life not wasted!!!

Nebular said...

msmariah, really? Well, it seems we share the same taste about terrible movies :)

I don't know... I thought Jason X was a ridiculous mess. Fredy vs. Jason was a cheesy fun though.

Nebular said...

msmariah, thanks. I'll definitely follow back.

Nebular said...

Vic, yay indeed. Those were so awful, you'd regret you've seen them for the rest of your life. :)

Ben said...

I thought Barb Wire was all right...but it sure got a lot of heat for being perv material. Agree about fear dot com. Looked interesting for a moment...like...for a trailer.

Christine Rains said...

Great list! Some spoofs just don't manage to do it right. As for FearDotCom, I think it should have went down in flames when all the other dot coms did!

Nebular said...

Ben, and I thought it was awful. Feardotcom... OMG, I don't even want to talk about it. :)

Nebular said...

Christine, LOL. Well-said! Yes, it should have, because it had no real reason to exist. There are spoofs that are alright, but Disaster Movie in particular was dreadful!

The Golden Eagle said...

This is probably the first blogfest where I get to say I'm glad I haven't seen anything. LOL.

Thanks for the list.

Nebular said...

Golden Eagle, you should be glad. Those are a waste of time. :)

Stephen Tremp said...

Loved the first Police Academy, then every film after that declined one level at a time.

RaShelle Workman said...

Haven't seen any of these - maybe BATS (one of your HM's). Obviosuly glad I didn't. ;D

Clarissa Draper said...

They do sound really bad. I haven't seen any of them.

Arlee Bird said...

I've heard of some of these but haven't seen a one. Guess I'll take your word for these and avoid them.


Lee
Tossing It Out

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Hi I have never heard of those you chose but congratulate you on an excellent post.

Yvonne.

Lynda R Young said...

lol, Barb Wire was kind of laughable in its terribleness. ;)

Patricia Stoltey said...

I haven't seen hardly any of the really bad movies mentioned by others in this blogfest. I'm beginning to think I'm a very lucky moviegoer.

Heather M. Gardner said...

You may have found a worse Stallone movie than mine!

Great list.

I promise to avoid.

Heather

Jennie Bailey said...

House of the Dead made quite a few lists. I skipped that one and I'm starting to feel like that was a brilliant idea!!

Small Town Shelly Brown said...

Love it! You totally included a Police Academy movie! LOL!

Andrew said...

This is a damn good list....
I, sadly, have seen every single film on it, and can confirm your assertion that each one sucks.

Hmmm. I may have to make a list of my own. I'm certain it would include Battlefield Earth and Glen or Glenda.

Nebular said...

Stephen, so did I, but as you said every next film got worse and worse.

Nebular said...

RaShelle, you should be gal you haven't. Oh, Bats was so bad!

Nebular said...

Clarissa, they're just as bad as they sound.

Nebular said...

Lee, avoid those at all costs.

Nebular said...

Yvonne, thank you so much. :)
You should be glad you haven't seen these craps.

Nebular said...

Lynda, exactly. :) Well-said!

Nebular said...

Patricia, you definitely are a very lucky moviegoer :) All of these are awful.

Nebular said...

Yvonne, yay me. D-Tox was not only the worst Stallone film, but also one of the worst slashers ever.

Nebular said...

Jennie, you should be very glad you skipped House of the Dead. It was so bad, it got on my nerves.

Nebular said...

Small Town Shelly Brown, oh yes I did. :) LOL.

Nebular said...

Andrew, thank you so much. You're the only commentor that have seen all these 12 films. Glad you think they suck.

Luckily, I haven't seen Battlefield Earth, and I doubt I'll ever do. :) Thanks for the comment.

Ciara said...

LOVE your blog. I stumbled upon it during Alex's blog fest. I'll be returning. Great list!

Ella said...

I haven't seen all of these, but they reek lame and slimy~ Thanks for sharing! I have to be in the mood for slasher films. I am more into the haunting thrillers. The music changes then the blood flies and I'm folded into a trembling preteen. Yeah, after the third Police Academy, I was done.
Disaster was just that, so lame and
Delta Farce, didn't see it all, but enough to know not for me.

Dave said...

From your list I've only seen Police Academy 7 and Jason X. I didn't hate Jason X.

Dave
Dave Wrote This

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

Oh, I totally forgot about Barb Wire - this should be my number one, ha, ha!

Nebular said...

Ciara, thank you so much. I'd love to have you as a follower too. :) Do you have a blog yourself?

Nebular said...

Ella, you should be glad you haven't. They're all super-lame. I'm not a big slasher fan either. It's my least favorite horror subgenre.

Delta Farce was DREADFUL. I wouldn't have watched if I knew how terrible it was.

Nebular said...

Dave, Jason X was hideous and absolutely laughable.

Nebular said...

Angela, I couldn't forget it. It was so bad. LOL.

Kev D. said...

Mission to Moscow is a good choice. Overlooked by many, it's GOD DAMN TERRIBLE.

http://zombiehall.blogspot.com/

Nebular said...

Kev, glad you think so. Yes, it's completely awful. I would never ever see it again.

Ty said...

Good choices! Ugh, Ballistic Vs. Sever. That was awful.

Nebular said...

Thanks, Ty. Yep, "Ballistic" was one of the worst films I've seen in my life, if not the worst. :)

LadyJ3000 said...

You're lucky that you stopped watching House of the Dead after 15 minutes. The only reason I rented that in the first place was that it was set on the island I grew up on.

Nebular said...

LadyJ, really? That's interesting. I wouldn't watch it again even it's been shot in my backyard, that's how much I hated it. :)