Numerous QuickRatings PART 8: Foreign Horror Movies

Captifs a.k.a. Caged (2010)

QuickRating: This French torture porn flick may be brutally realistic, extremely graphic, violently gory and nicely-acted, but it suffers from a cliched premise, unimaginative execution, and lack of actual thrills and chills, plus it often feels like a rip-off of another French gorefest, "Frontier(s)".

My Rating: 5.50/10



Zwart Water a.k.a. Two Eyes Staring (2010)

QuickRating: Moody, monotonous and unnecessarily overlong, yet gripping, enigmatic, incredibly atmospheric and beautifully shot, "Zwart Water" proves that Dutch horror film makers are also capable of delivering decent horror movies, despite their lack of experience in this area.

My Rating: 5.75/10



Die Tür a.k.a. The Door (2009)

QuickRating: More of a mystery thriller rather than a horror, "The Door" is a one-of-a-kind experience about parallel realities in life, that dazzles with its uniqueness and unpredictability, and drives a plot that delivers suspense and intrigue, but unfortunately, it falls apart in its final act and quickly loses its efficiency.

My Rating: 6.75/10

Numerous QuickRatings PART 2: 2009 Movies

Le Petit Nicolas (2009)

QuickRating: Original, quirky and thoroughly hilarious, "The Little Nicola" engages with its humorous story, odd yet extremely likable characters, stylish costumes and production design, and slick cinematography, and proves that the lack of substance is not necessarily an issue that may ruin the viewer's pleasure of cinematic enjoyment.

My Rating: 7.50/10

2:13 (2009)

QuickRating: Although it had the potential to be a decent entry into the serial killer genre, "Two:Thirteen" turned out to be yet another disappointingly mediocre effort, that suffers from unimaginative execution, lackluster direction, unnecessarily convoluted plot, utter laziness, and irrelevant conclusion that is as ridiculous as it's implausible.

My Rating: 4.50/10


The Girl Who Played with Fire (2009)

QuickRating: It may not be as skillfully-crafted and impressively compelling as its predecessor, but the second installment in Stieg Larsson's Millennium Trilogy is a solid, intense, consistently gripping and visually-atmospheric crime thriller, led by the sensational Nooni Rapace and her mesmerizing performance as Lisbeth.

My Rating: 7.50/10

A Christmas Carol (2009)

QuickRating: As magical, darkly funny and edifying as its source material, but a bit too creepy and disturbing for younger kids, "A Christmas Carol" is a decently-crafted adaptation of Charles Dickens' classic novel, elevated by Kim Carrey's perky, vigorous voice work, but let down by its gloomy, unpolished and surprisingly unspectacular visuals.

My Rating: 6.00/10

[3.75/10] Macabre (2009)

Macabre (2009)

"Macabre" is an Indonesian slasher flick that involves a group friends on a late-night drive to Jakarta, who stop for a young woman who claims to have been robbed. She invites the group to dinner at a stately mansion with her peculiar relatives, and the friends soon realize that they may have stumbled into their doom. "Macabre" tries hard to be shocking, disturbing and outrageously grotesque, but fails miserably to be all that, as it offers nothing more than flat and undeveloped characters, uninteresting villains and, of course, buckets of gore. Simply put, it brings absolutely noting new to the table. Its plot is build on tired 'horror' cliches, and there's not a single original moment in the entire movie. Plus, it shamelessly borrows ideas from many other good and not that good slasher movies, which makes it even less intriguing, simply because we've seen it all before. The victims are portrayed as total dummies who make completely stupid and illogical decisions for no other reason than to to set themselves up for gruesome deaths. They're so undeveloped, that it's hard to feel sympathy for any of them or to care if they die or not. Shareefa Daanish as the monotonously speaking cold-faced mother, Dara, is supposed to be creepy and disturbing, but in fact, she's just an unbelievably bland and silly-looking villain that ultimately fails to terrify and has a very little or no impact at all. The other villains, Maya and her brother, are just too sweet and good-looking to be scary or to be taken seriously. Gore is the only area where "Macabre" succeeds. Death scenes and the splattery gore effects are well done, nasty and very graphic - gore fans will be in heaven. Un-scary, formulaic and surprisingly boring, "Macabre" is a slasher gorefest at its worst.

• My Rating: 3.75/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: N/A
• IMDb: 6.2/10

[4.00/10] Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009)

Blood Night:
The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009)

"Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet" is an 80’s style slasher flick, that tells the story of a young girl named Mary Maddock, who butchered her entire family for unknown reasons. For these grisly crimes, Mary was sent to a mental institution. After years of abuse suffered at the hands of the guards, she snaps once again; rampaging through the hospital, murdering everyone in sight, only to be shot dead by police. Twenty years later, the incident has become legend and a great reason for kids to throw a party. The anniversary is called Blood Night, and today's the day. But this year will be like none other, because Mary has returned, and she's hungry for more. "Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet" is strictly by-the-numbers horror flick, full of tired cliches, horrible performances and pouring buckets of gore. Actually, the first ten minutes of this film contain one of the goriest and most brutal scenes I've ever seen in my life, which isn't neccesairly a bad thing. In fact, the opening sequence is the only strong point of "Blood Night", as it offers gruesome, yet creative and enjoyable deaths, flashy editing, and tons... tons of blood. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is a just a tasteless, unimaginative crap. Frank Sabatella's direction is all over the place and completely inconsistent - some of his camera shots are brilliant, while others are completely amateurish. Film's quick-cut editing is so annoying it literally causes headache. The characters are nothing, but a bunch of dumb teenagers, that can hardly feel sympathy for or to care fi they'll die or not . The acting from all the actors involved is beyond terrible - actually, there's not a single decent performance in "Blood Night". Poorly-executed and horrendously-acted, "Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet" is yet another flat and boring slasher flick, with zero scares and very few chills. And while the gore effects are quite well done and the kills are fun to watch, they can't save this film from being a total failure.

• My Rating: 4.00/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: N/A
• IMDb: 5.4/10

[5.25/10] Princess Ka'iulani (2009)

Princess Ka'iulani (2009)

Short review: "Princess Ka'iulani" is the true story of a Hawaiian princess' attempts to maintain the independence of the island against the threat of American colonization. The film entertains as well as informs, but it feels like a made-for-TV production, due to its average script, mediocre direction and other technical weaknesses. Although most of us are pretty unfamiliar with this story, it's actually strictly by-the-numbers, and sadly, it often doesn't really seem like a true story. Q'Orianka Kilcher's performance is tense and emotional, but her badly-behaved and spoiled princess character doesn't make her very likable, at least for most of time. Shaun Evans as princess' beloved, Clive, is pretty stiff and uninteresting to watch. The supporting cast does a good job overall, but with not any real standouts. The romantic subplot between the princess and Clive is contrived, unnatural and rather unnecessary. Visually, "Princess Ka'iulani" is a marvel! Hawaiian scenery is breathtakingly gorgeous and very fairy tale-like. The scenes from 19th century England are also beautiful to watch, as are the costumes. Overall, "Princess Ka'iulani" is magical at times and very dull at others. It offers decent story and some nice visuals, but nothing much else.

• My Rating: 5.25/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 21% (4.6/10)
• IMDb: 5.4/10

[5.75/10] Women in Trouble (2009)

Women in Trouble (2009)

Short review: The main characters are all female and the story follows their struggles to cope with the situations that life deal them. And аlthough "Women in Trouble" is obviously women-oriented, it can be enjoyed by the male audience as well. It's an amusing, sexy and provocative movie, with warm and often touching multiple stories, where numerous characters are directly and indirectly connected. The dramatic and comedic elements sometimes work, and sometimes don't. Nevertheless this film is an enjoyable ride. The cast is excellent - Carla Gugino, Marley Shelton, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Adrianne Palicki, Cameron Richardson are not only beautiful, but they also portray their characters well, bringing them to life on the screen and making them seem very believable. "Women in Trouble" makes you laugh much more than expected, but most importantly, it has a heart!

• My Rating: 5.75/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 29% (4.3/10)
• IMDb: 5.9/10

[6.50/10] Doghouse (2009)

Doghouse (2009)

It's no "Shaun of Dead", but Jake West's sexist zombie flick "Doghouse" is funny, gory, enormously entertaining and cleverly-written, and last but not least, it never takes itself seriously. This film is literally a battle between the sexes in the funniest possible way. The story revolves around a group of old friends, who after traveling to a remote village for a weekend of drunken debauchery and male bonding, come under attack from the women of the village, who have turned into bloodthirsty cannibals as the result of a top-secret biological warfare experiment carried out by the army. This is Jake's biggest production so far and the bigger budget certainly shows through in the quality of the movie. The zombie make-up effects are excellent, as are the gore effects, and the settings of Moodley village are quite nice and atmospheric. The film moves along at a brisk pace, with sarcasm and wry humor, and there's rarely a dull moment. Schaffer's script is witty and knowing enough, and it makes "Doghouse" enjoyable, aided by the overall solidness and enthusiastic performances from everyone involved. The cast are surprisingly good in their roles, and look like they had fun making the film. Although the characters are a bunch of morons, I found them quite likable and sympathetic, and I actually cared about them. Although silly and often ridiculous, "Doghouse" is wildly over-the-top horror/comedy with just the right amount of witty humor and delightful blood-splattering horror, to satisfy your inner horror geek.

• My Rating: 6.50/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 45% (4.6/10)
• IMDb: 6.1/10

[1.00/10] Cornered! (2009)

Cornered! (2009)

Short review: "Cornered!" is about a group of lowlifes who are terrorized in their own convenience store by a masked killer, during their nightly poker game. This poorly-made low budget slasher is as terrible as it sounds. In this lackluster shocker, the plot is non-existent, the characters are flat and completely one-dimensional, and the gore scenes are badly-executed and lack any inventiveness whatsoever. Daniel Maze's weak direction delivers nothing, and the overly simple set design makes this film look even worse. The acting is atrocious, with the exception of James Duval as Jimmy, who's portrayal of drug addict is filled with authenticity. Steve Guttenberg is terribly miscast in "Cornered!" - his face is so cartoonish, and his attitude is so comical, it makes him the worst possible casting choice for this role. All in all, "Cornered!" is the most unimaginative, stupid and uninspired slasher flick I've seen in years! That was worse then "Jason X"!

• My Rating: 1.00/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 0% (1 Review)
• IMDb: 4.2/10

[6.00/10] Walled In (2009)

Walled In (2009)

Short Review: While far from great, "Walled In" offers fairly original and intriguing story, creepy and claustrophobic atmosphere and decent performances from all the actors involved. It's by no means a scary horror film, but more a supernatural mystery. The film's about a demolition company agent, who uncovers the horrifying secrets held within a building she's having razed. If you think soap opera star Mischa Barton wouldn't make a believable demolitions expert, you are so wrong. Her performance as Sam is pretty convincing and competent. Cameron Bright is a bit stiff, yet quite believable as the evil teenager, and Deborah Unger never fails to deliver as Jimmy's mother. The set design of the abandoned building in the middle of nowhere is well used and quite effective. The building is dark, depressing and truly creepy and full of claustrophobic rooms and mazes, and secret corridors, that provoke the imagination. Despite some pacing problems, the film is never dull or boring, and manages a few scary moments over its 90 minutes running time. Bizarre, yet quite entertaining, "Walled In" is a comparatively well-executed first English language feature from French director Gilles Paquet-Brenner.

• My Rating: 6.00/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 0% (2 Reviews)
• IMDb: 4.9/10

[5.50/10] Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky (2009)

Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky (2009)

Short review: Beautifully-filmed and visually-splendid, "Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky" is rather unsatisfying love story with simplistic plot, about the famous fashion designer Coco Chanel, and her attraction to the Russian musician Igor Stravinsky. Acting is the highlight of this movie. The half-Greek, half-French Anna Mouglalis is simply fascinating as Coco Chanel. She embodies her character with grace and talent - her elegant face, stylish look and sophisticated attitude make her very believable as the French fashion icon, Chanel. Mads Mikkelsen portrays Igor Stravinsky fairly good, although he lacks the energy and strength the real Stravinsky possessed. Also, there's very little chemistry between the two leads, and their doomed relationship doesn't seem very passionate, therefore it doesn't feel like they're in love or very attracted to each other. The production design, cinematography and costumes are film's other strong aspects. The period interiors of Chanel's black & white villa is stunning to look at, and all her clothes and accessories are, as expected, very chic, stylish and beautifully simple. Pretentious, slow-moving and often cold, "Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky" is, simply said, a beautiful bore-fest.

• My Rating: 5.50/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 48% (5.6/10)
• IMDb: 6.3/10

[5.50/10] Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)

Messengers 2:
The Scarecrow (2009)

"Messengers 2: The Scarecrow" was surprisingly decent straight-to-DVD horror prequel, and it was actually way better than the pretty awful original movie. Its story while not groundbreaking or very original, was well-constructed, easy to follow and most importantly, entertaining. "Messengers 2: The Scarecrow" goes back to the farm to finally learn the story of John Rollins - the simple North Dakota farmer, struggling to save his farm and hold his family together. When he places a mysterious scarecrow in his field, his luck changes for the better, but it may be at the cost of his sanity. This prequel was well-shot, nicely-paced and the acting of Norman Reedus and Heather Stephens was above average - Reedus does a good job as the farmer who's going through troubled times and wants to support his family, and Stephens, who plays the concerned wife, was able to portray the widest range of emotions in the film. The other actors involved also delivered good performances. In terms of visuals, "Messengers 2: The Scarecrow" was far better looking than most STV movies - the green/yellow corn-field scenery was beautiful and the colors were bright and saturated. Overall, "The Scarecrow" was atmospheric, creepy and nicely-crafted little horror, with just the right amount of gore and suspense, and enough twists to satisfy its horror-thirsty audience.

• My Rating: 5.50/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 0% (2 Reviews)
  
• IMDb: 4.7/10

[7.25/10] Soul Kitchen (2009)

Soul Kitchen (2009)

Short review: "Soul Kitchen" is like a breath of fresh air amongst all the Hollywood-ish crappy comedies, released in the past few years. German-Turkish director Fatih Akin's latest film is a lighthearted, original (as its title) and ultra-hilarious comedy, that celebrates the joy of life, good food, good music and sex. Set in In Hamburg, "Soul Kitchen" tells the story of a German-Greek chef, Zinos, who unknowingly disturbs the peace in his locals-only restaurant by hiring a more talented chef. This film might not be the near-masterpiece "Head-On" was, but it's a pure entertainment and a joy to watch. It showcases director's sense of place and his big love for Hamburg in exquisite glimpses of the beautiful city. The soundtrack is one of movie's highlights and probably one of the best I've ever heard. The characters in "Soul Kitchen" are complex, realistic, eccentric and full of temperament! Adam Bousdoukos, Moritz Bleibtreu, Birol Ünel, Lucia Faust, Nadine Krüger - the entire cast deliver exceptional performances, with Adam Bousdoukos as the lead character being the best of the bunch. The script is smart, witty and hilarious, with the exception of film's ending, which was a bit of a let down. Overall, "Soul Kitchen" is 'cooked' and spiced so well, it's like a food for the senses!

• My Rating: 7.25/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: N/A
• IMDb: 7.4/10