[6.50/10] Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Brief review: "Catfish"'s directing duo brings this parallel prequel to the original film, and thankfully they deliver in spades. Even though "PA 3" is the typical 'slow burner', the directors manage to build tension and suspense throughout very convincingly, thanks to their creative ideas and great technical skills. Though the third entry is visually-plain, in terms of variety, camera angles and editing, it's probably the best-shot of the three. It also offers more character development than the previous two films, and the characters themselves are well-written, and easy to relate to. The biggest surprise is that the over-the-top scary scenes from the trailer didn't make the final cut. On one hand, the fans of in-your-face scares might be disappointed by this fact, but on the other hand, those unnecessarily unrealistic scenes were cut for good, because their absence make the film even more credible, hence realistically frightening. Speaking of scares, "PA 3" follows the same successful formula - it doesn't show too much, allowing the viewer's imagination to go wild. The final 15 minutes of the movie are tense and heart pounding, thought the ending is rather confusing and leaves more questions than answers, which sets the stage for further debate.

Overall summary: As expected, "Paranormal Activity 3" is 'more of the same' in terms of style and shocks, and is the least scary of the three, however, it goes in a slightly different direction than its predecessors, hence, it's refreshing and effective enough to leave most fans satisfied.

[8.75/10] Contagion (2011)

Contagion (2011)

Full review: One of the finest film-makers in history of cinema, Steven Soderbergh, brings us his latest sci-fi horror thriller that follows the rapid progress of a lethal indirect contact transmission virus, which kills within days, and an international team of doctors who struggle to deal with the outbreak. "Contagion" is so much more than just another 'deadly virus' movie. It's a social horror that warns us about many little, yet important things in life we barely pay attention to, such as basic hygiene habits, washing our hands, touching our face and having contact with dirty surfaces like door-handles, elevator buttons and bus hand grips. Probably the best thing about "Contagion" is that absolutely nothing about it feels exaggerated or implausible. The movie believable and incredibly realistic from beginning to the end, and that's what makes it as disturbing and terrifying as it is. If something like this happen in real life, this is exactly how things will look like - panic, chaos, fear and frustration among the population, and millions of dead people. Considering Soderbergh's pedantry as a director, unsurprisingly the technical aspects of the movie are just as brilliant. His direction is taut, sharp and near flawless, and deftly balances a few parallel plots that blend together exceptionally well. The pacing is smooth, the editing is pitch-perfect, the original music score is phenomenal, and the movie itself is gripping, cleverly-written and absolutely riveting. Shot in various different locations, "Contagion" is as visually versatile as it gets. The settings are as breathtaking as they're grim and realistically post-apocalyptic, and director's trademark 'hot/cold' type of cinematography alternates bright, yellow-tinted scenes with muted blue-tinted ones. The true highlight of the movie is definitely the final "Day 1" scene, which is fantastically-shot and delivered, and gives answers to many unanswered questions about the virus and its spreading. The film has a stellar ensemble cast that includes one of the best actors and actresses working today, and their performances are so as equally as good, that nobody really outshines anybody else. Well, almost. Gwyneth Paltrow gives a great and very credible performance as the Beth Emhoff - a working mother from Minneapolis, who is also the supposed patient zero. Matt Damon is far from amazing, but he gives an above average performance as Beth's husband and caring father, Mitch. Marion Cotillard once again proves she's a true chameleon, and does a fantastic job in her role as Dr. Leonora Orantes, and Laurence Fishburne is typically solid as Dr. Ellis Cheever. Jude Law also delivers as the bold and cocky blogger Alan Krumwiede, but it's the sensational Kate Winslet that pretty much steals the show as the dedicated, fearless and determined Dr. Erin Mears. The supporting cast is just as great, with Jennifer Ehle, Monique Gabriela Curnen and Bryan Cranston being the standouts.

Overall summary: Brilliantly-filmed, contagiously-compelling, subtly-terrifying, and elevated by its top-notch cast and intelligently-written script, "Contagion" is not only one of Soderbergh's most remarkable achievements, but also ranks amongst the best and most memorable virus-themed movies ever created.

[6.50/10] Green Lantern [3D] (2011)

Green Lantern [3D] (2011)

Brief review: Based on the DC Comics character of the same name, "Green Lantern" tells the story of a test pilot, who is given a ring that grants him superpowers. Unsurprisingly, the film suffers from a poor, unimaginative script, and often feels rushed and contrived, but at the end of the day, who cares? "Green Lantern" is all about the action and the visuals! It won't be a lie if we call this a CGI-driven movie, since almost 60% of it is pure CGI. Believe it or not, even Green Lantern's costume is CG, but it's so slick and well-designed, you'd never guess it's not real. The eye mask looks super-silly though. Having said all that, the graphics are nothing short of amazing! The planet of Oa is stunning, as is the space scenery, and all the alien creatures look incredible, with supervillain Parallax being the 'wow' factor. The green tint of the visuals is mesmerizing, sparkly and beautiful, and the 3D effects are impressive. The action is fast-paced, exciting and often spectacular, with the final act of the film being the highlight. Ryan Raynolds is the true star of the show as the uber-cocky, yet loyal and likable pilot-turned-superhero, Peter Sarsgaard delivers bravura performance as the silently crazy scientist Hammond, and the rest of the cast does a pretty good job as well.

Overall summary: This superhero CGI extravaganza is rushed, thin on plot, and unnecessarily overproduced, however, thanks to its first-rate special effects, kinetic action scenes and fantastic use of 3D, "Green Lantern" still shines on the screen... just not as bright as we hoped for.

[7.75/10] Real Steel (2011)

Real Steel (2011)

Full review: Based on the 1956 short story "Steel" by Richard Matheson, "Real Steel" is a futuristic action drama set in 2020, where robot boxing is the most popular sport, and revolves around a former boxer and promoter, who tries to break into the robot fighting business, along with his recently discovered son. Plot-wise, "Real Steel" is the classic 'underdog' story - no twists and turns, no big surprises along the way, just a simple by-the-numbers story with entirely predictable outcome. Is that a bad thing? Well, not in this case... because it works. Despite its silly premise and cliche-ridden script, "Real Steel" succeeds in many areas, and it's well-made, fun to watch and totally absorbing from the first to the last minute. The dialogues are witty, smart, at times touching, but always amusing, the pacing is pitch-perfect, and the competent editing compliments director's efforts. Shawn Levy is by no means an amazing director, but he does wonders here. His direction is focused, well-balanced and at times masterful, and as a result, his dialogue-driven scenes are just as entertaining as his high-octane action scenes. Speaking of action, it is undoubtedly the highlight of the film. The robot clashes on the ring are spectacular, thrilling and brilliantly-staged and choreographed, with each next battle being bigger, better and more imposing than the previous one. The special effects are just as impressive. The robots are fantastically-designed, detailed and look like they are literally made of real steel, and their movements are fluid and well-coordinated movements, not to mention their amazing fighting skills. The acting is mostly excellent, just like most other elements of the movie. The uber-talented Hugh Jackman has been finally given a major role in a big movie, and thankfully, he doesn't disappoint. His good acting skills, bubbly personality and undeniable charm help him to deliver an incredibly sympathetic and appealing character. At first he's just a selfish and emotionless man who cares only about money and robots, but when he meets his abandoned son, Charlie finally realizes what's really important in life and shows us the lovable and caring side of him. Dakota Goyo is definitely the star of the film though. He's as sweet as he's cheeky in his role as Max, and he steals every scene he appears in. Although Max appears a bit cocky, his boldness, passion and enthusiasm make us all fall in love with his fearless character. "Lost"'s own Evangeline Lilly delivers a very solid and memorable performance as Charlie's love interest, Bailey, plus she's pure eye-candy, even without make-up on. The connection between the characters is amazing - Charlie and Max's relationship is sincere and adorable, and Jackman and Lilly's on-screen chemistry is strong and believable.

Overall summary: This autumn blockbuster may be pretty straight-forward and predictable from beginning to the end, but thanks to Shawn Levy's skillful, polished direction and the absolutely stellar cast, "Real Steel" turns into a visual and verbal roller coaster ride of thrilling action, exhilarating humor and emotions, but most importantly, it has a heart.

[7.25/10] The Three Musketeers [3D] (2011)

The Three Musketeers [3D] (2011)

Full review: Let's face it, Paul W.S. Anderson's take on "The Three Musketeers" is nothing special in terms of script and plot, as the story has been done countless times before and the premise just can't get more hackneyed than that. Having said that, Anderson's spot-on execution and great choice of cast compensate for the complete lack of originality. From the action-packed opening sequence to the spectacular finale, "The Three Musketeers" is a pure popcorn entertainment at its best! The film moves along at a brisk pace and there aren't many lulls during its two hour duration - the dialogue is fresh and witty, the characters are engaging, and there's a lot to be seen and enjoyed. The visuals are definitely one of the film's main strengths, as those are slick and absolutely dazzling! The cinematography is vividly colorful, and the production design is so posh and lavish, you'll often find yourself mesmerized by the stunning beauty of it. Rich in texture, detail and color, the costumes are mind-blowingly beautiful and a true fest for the eyes. If costume designer Pierre-Yves Gayraud do not get nominated for Oscar in this category next year, I honestly don't know who will. Paul W.S. Anderson may not be one of the best directors working today, but one thing is for sure - he definitely knows how to shoot great action scenes. Some of the stunts are absolutely spectacular, the swordplay is thrilling and nicely-choreographed, and there are a few fantastically-shot slow motion sequences, that will wow you, if not blow you away. The action looks even better in 3D, as the film has been shot in one, even if the 3D itself is not that impressive or particularly necessary. Anderson's direction has its flaws, however, he tries to be as versatile and creative as possible, and the end result is rather satisfying. For better or worse, "The Three Musketeers" is overstuffed with characters. On one hand, too many characters equals a lack of character development, but on the other hand, all of these characters are either memorable, or likable, or incredibly appealing. Matthew Macfadyen plays the tough Athos, and he does a good job in portraying his interesting character. Luke Evans appears a bit bland and dull as Aramis, but at least he looks good, and the masculine Ray Stevenson gives a stellar and incredibly charismatic performance as the cheeky and temperamental Porthos. Logan Lerman is often the center of attention, and he delivers as the cocky , yet clever and feisty D'Artagnan. The beautiful Milla Jovovich once again plays a bad-ass killer chick, but here she does it with finesse and grace. The one and only Christoph Waltz turns in another great villain as the crafty cardinal Richelieu, James Corden brings most of the laughs as the super-funny Planchetand, and even the always stiff and wooden Orlando Bloom does a good job as the narcissistic Duke of Buckingham.

Overall summary: Its premise may be way overused, hence lacking in originality, but "The Three Musketeers" is a fun, enjoyable and delightfully adventurous swashbuckler, that fascinates with its fantastic cast, and stuns the viewer with its exquisite visuals breathtakingly beautiful costumes and thrilling set-pieces.

[4.25/10] Trespass (2011)

Trespass (2011)

Brief review: The mediocre director Joel Schumacher brings us another of his uninspired projects, and this time it's all about home invasion. Basically, "Тrespass" contains every single cliche ever used in any home invasion film, which makes it laughably obvious, often boring and constantly uninteresting to watch. Having said that, the movie is far from awful and it has its moments, but those good moments are very few and far between and overshadowed by the nastiness of it, and the unbelievable selfishness of its main male character. "Тrespass" is also aggressive and quite violent, but not in an entertaining sort of way, plus it's so loud and screamy, it may cause you a headache. Visually, "Тrespass" is an absolute lackluster as well. Although it's set in a big, modern, luxurious house, the cinematography is so dull and muted, and the lighting is so low-key, you'd wish you had a flashlight. Schumacher's direction is very straight-forward and lacking in versatility, which lets the film down even more. Aside from Nicolas Cage's unlikable character, the performances are great. Nicole Kidman delivers as the anxious mother, Cam Gigandet is surprisingly decent in his role, and Liana Liberato steals the show as the willful, yet clever daughter Avery.

Overall summary: Thoroughly predictable, annoyingly loud and often nasty, "Trespass" is a big bloody mess of a thriller that mostly relays on its A-list cast, but that cast, while capable, can't compensate for a cliched script, the lack of actual thrills, and the overall ugly nature of the film.

[6.25/10] Grave Encounters (2011)

Grave Encounters (2011)

Brief review: Written and directed by The Vicious Brothers, "Grave Encounters" is yet another horror film shot in the popular 'found footage' style. It has the typical 'mockumentary' premise, about a group of thrill-seeking enthusiasts (in this case a ghost-hunting reality TV crew) who investigate unexplained events involving the paranormal in a creepy setting. "The Tunnel", "Haunted Changi" and "Deserted House" anyone? Anyway, despite its formulaic concept, "Grave Encounters" still manages to be enough scary and effective to give viewers nightmares for days, due to the competent POV camera work, taut pacing and tons of jump-of-your-seat scares, but mostly thanks to the darkly claustrophobic and sinister location it's been shot. The abandoned psychiatric hospital is nothing short of terrifying, especially during the night. It's a twisting maze of creepy corridors and staircases, and knowing that the characters are locked in there, makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. The final act lets the film down, as it all goes a bit out of control to the point of being ludicrous. The cast does a fairly decent job, with a few exceptions - Sean Rogerson is mediocre at best, and Ashleigh Gryzko is just terrible as Sasha. She should never ever act again.

Overall summary: Although it gets a bit ridiculous towards the end, "Grave Encounters" is still a well made, chilling, and claustrophobic mock-doc, that fans of the genre will enjoy, if they don't take it too seriously, because the it's just too implausible to be realistically scary.

[5.75/10] The Caller (2011)

The Caller (2011)

Brief review: "The Caller" is a low-budget horror thriller that revolves around the recently divorced Mary Kee, who's tormented by a series of sinister phone calls from a mysterious woman. Plot-wise, the film works as much as it doesn't. It's filled with many twists and turns along the way, maybe too many, and although that keeps it dynamic and gripping, it might be too confusing for some viewers. Director Matthew Parkhill does a good job of creating tension and mysterious atmosphere that keeps you guessing what is going to happen next, however, his direction often feels a bit too ambitious and all-over-the-place, which makes the movie seem more complicated than it actually is. The lack of budget is obvious, as visually, "The Caller" doesn't look very polished, nor is very appealing. The settings are quite gloomy and incredibly effective though. Most of the action takes place in an old, small apartment in a lower-class Puerto Rico suburban area, that looks dark and extremely creepy, and will definitely give you the chills. Rachelle Lefevre gives a solid performance as the troubled divorcee Mary, who has to handle with both - her ex psycho husband and the odd things happening in her new home, and the supporting cast do their best with the given material.

Overall summary: Despite its overly complicated plot and some execution weaknesses, "The Caller" is still a decent and fairly creepy little chiller, that delivers a couple good scares and enough twists to keep you entertained until the unexpected conclusion.

Pay It Forward Blogfest

Pay It Forward Blogfest

Matthew MacNish @ QQQE and my dear friend Alex J. Cavanaugh are hosting this awesome blogfest, aptly titled Pay It Forward, which main purpose is to introduce everyone to everyone else. How it works? Well, each of the participants in the blogfest has to post links to three of their most favorite blogs and to share why did the fall in love with these particular blog(ger)s. So the idea is to visit and follow as many of these fantastic blogs/people as you can. What are you waiting for? Do it now! :)

It was really hard to pick only three blogs, but since I'm obviously a film-obsessed person, I decided to go with 3 of my favorite movie blogs, which I absolutely love!

***

Maynard Morrissey's
HORROR MOVIE DIARY

Harry is a true horror geek coming from Austria (not Australia!). He's not only very passionate about horror cinema in general, but he's also an amazing person - smart, funny, kind and polite. He delivers the reviews exactly the way I like them - short'n'sweet, to-the-point, and witty, plus he's such a good writer, you'd never guess English is not his first language. Check out his cool blog now! Oh, and today is his birthday. Happy birthday, Harry!

***

SON:sation

J-SON is from the stunning Singapore and he's a great reviewer and a very capable and skillful writer. He knows what he's talking about and his reviews are always compelling, competent and incredibly well-written. I still can not believe he has only 20 followers. It's ridiculous. He deserves at least 10 times as much. Go follow this amazing guy!

***

HorrO's Gory Reviews

HorrO is another horror fanatic I absolutely adore! He's a sucker for everything horror and I admire him for that reason. Moreover, he's an incredible writer, and I must admit that we often agree about movies, because we obviously have similar cinematic taste. His reviews are clever, entertaining to read and, well, gory. Check them out.

[7.00/10] Evil Things (2011)

Evil Things (2011)

Brief review: Shot in 2009 and shown at a few festivals that same year, yet released widely in 2011, "Evil Things" is a (fake) evidence about the disappearance of 5 college students who has left NY on Jan 9, 2009 for a weekend in the country. "Evil Things" is not your typical 'found footage' flick dealing with ghosts, zombies or exorcism. It has a supernatural touch, but that touch is so subtle, you'll still believe every minute of it. It takes the POV sub-genre to another level, bringing slasher horror into it and using no gimmicks whatsoever. There are no cheap scares, and the movie gets more and more tense as the story unfolds. The second half is edge-of-your-seat chilling and often terrifying, without revealing too much to loose the viewer's interest. The plot may be simple, but due to the gripping script and Perez's steady direction, you'll find yourself glued to the screen, deeply involved and connected with the characters. Speaking of characters, those are likable and surprisingly plausible. The chemistry between the young actors is so strong, it feels like they all are real life friends and know each other since forever. Every single one of them deliver a solid, genuine and thoroughly believable performance, with Laurel Casillo and Elyssa Mersdorfbi being the standouts.

Overall summary: Silly title aside, "Evil Things" is an underrated POV slasher flick that shows a whole new different side of the 'found footage' horror sub-genre, and works thanks to its authentic originality and brilliantly believable characters, plus, it's super-tense and actually scary.

[5.50/10] Red State (2011)

Red State (2011)

Brief review: In its core, "Red State" is definitely a horror movie, even though it doesn't really feel like one. On one hand, it fails do deliver any real scares and thrills along the way, but on the other hand, this extreme fundamentalist Christian madness and denial of modern reality is nothing short of terrifying and utterly disturbing. Kevin Smith is that type of director that you ether love or hate, because he's a bit hard-to-get as a filmmaker. His films are a too weird and pretentious for mass tastes, and "Red State" is no exception. Here, Smith's direction often lacks focus and cohesion, the pacing drags a bit too much, and the movie is full of unnecessarily extended scenes that get tiresome real soon. Having said that, the script is clever and exceptionally well-written, and allows the entire cast to shine. "Red State" is worth-seeing for the performances alone. Academy Award winner Melissa Leo steals the show with her sensational performance as the brainwashed, yet tough believer, Sara. Michael Parks is absolutely brilliant as the manipulative crazy preacher, Abin Cooper, and Kerry Bishé delivers excellent performance as the innocent and caring Cheyenne. The rest of the cast does a great job as well, with Stephen Root and John Goodman being the standouts.

Overall summary: Believable, well acted and thoroughly disturbing, yet quite pretentious, too talky and visually dull, "Red State" fails in its ambition to be a subtle horror, dark comedy and action thriller all at once, and ends up being a mess that can't cope with its own weirdness.

[6.75/10] Sint a.k.a. Saint (2011)

Sint a.k.a. Saint (2011)

Brief review: Last year's Finnish horror movie "Rare Exports" showed us the evil side of Santa Claus. This year, Netherlands brings us more 'holiday' horror fun in "Saint" - a horror comedy that depicts St. Nicholas as a murderous bishop who murders children when there is a full moon on Dec 5. The best thing about this Dutch horror movie is that it never takes itself too seriously and shows us what a great sense of humor its director actually has. Dick Maas knows perfectly that his film is superficial, but he demonstrates imagination, originality, and some good skills behind the camera, offering us a horror comedy that is well-balanced, entertaining, action-packed, and visually effective, but most of all, fun to watch. Set in the murky, yet beautiful Amsterdam, "Saint" captivates the eye with its gloomy visuals, atmospheric snowy settings and stylish cinematography that suits the dark tone of the film. The make-up and gore effects are also spot-on. Although it's far from scary, "Sint" is quite creepy and gory and there a few jump-of-your-seat moments that will raise your adrenaline. All the actors do a good job in portraying their characters, though you may struggle to figure out which characters are the main, and which are the secondary.

Overall summary: Despite its ridiculous premise, "Sint" remains a unique, clever, and finely-executed little gem of a horror comedy, that provides some good laugh, decent scares, tons of gore, and a surreal dark holiday atmosphere that makes it perfect to watch on Halloween.

[6.50/10] Secuestrados a.k.a. Kidnapped (2011)

Secuestrados

a.k.a.

Kidnapped (2011)

Brief review: Spaniards are great at making horror films, and "Secuestrados" is another proof for that. Although it's often predictable and not at all original, "Kidnapped" manages to shock the viewer with its harshness, graphic violence and utter brutality, thanks to the solid script and Miguel Ángel Vivas' stark and uncompromising direction that leaves very little to imagination. The acting is definitely the highlight of the movie. Fernando Cayo, Ana Wagener and Manuela Vellés all give an extremely believable performances as the abducted family, and make you feel connected with their characters. The ravishers also deliver. Dritan Biba does a fantastic job as the cruel leader, Guillermo Barrientos is the 'good guy', and Martijn Kuiper is definitely the most disturbing and intimidating of all the three. As most 'home invasion' films, "Kidnapped" is set mainly indoors, and although the house setting is beautiful, luxurious and modern, it gets a bit monotonous and uninteresting after a while. However, considering the low budget of the movie, the production designer has done a great job in creating a family-friendly environment that later on somewhat 'transforms' into a grim and gloomy setting, due to the all tragic circumstances. And that's a hard thing to achieve.

Overall summary: It's no "Mother's Day", but "Secuestrados" is still a brutal, terrifyingly realistic, and shockingly violent horror thriller that may leave you speechless as the credits roll, and also one of the better and most memorable 'home invasion' flicks released over the past decade.

[4.25/10] La herencia Valdemar II: La sombra prohibida a.k.a. The Valdemar Legacy II (2011)

La herencia Valdemar II:
La sombra prohibida
a.k.a.
The Valdemar Legacy II (2011)

Brief review: Last year, Spanish newcomer José Luis Alemán surprised us with "La herencia Valdemar" - a stylishly old-fashioned 'haunted house' horror thriller that delivered. Sadly, in 2011 he brings us a sub-par sequel that doesn't do justice to the original. At all. It's kinda hard to believe that Alemán has directed both films, since the first movie and this one barely have something in common in terms of execution, visual style and plot development. While the original was beautifully-shot, well-acted and gripping from beginning to the end, this sequel suffers from clumsy pacing, unengaging characters, Alemán's confused and uninspired direction, and a plot that feels all over the place and never really comes together. Visually, "La herencia Valdemar II" also fails to surpass its predecessor or to make a big impression. The film is lacking in production values, the settings are nowhere nearly as eerie and atmospheric as in the first movie, the cinematography is bland, and the special effects are quite poor, except for the well-designed CGI creature that appears at the end. The performances are also disappointing and forgettable, as it seems like almost all the actors involved don't really care about their (flat) characters and the movie as a whole.

Overall summary: Unlike its solid, creepy and nicely-crafted predecessor, "La herencia Valdemar II" is a huge step in the wrong direction, and despite its exciting final act, it feels rushed, contrived, unimaginative, and it's quite tedious for most of its running time.

[7.50/10] Final Destination 5 [3D] (2011)

Final Destination 5 [3D] (2011)

Brief review: The Final Destination franchise had its ups and downs over the years, but the 2011 installment is a true breath of fresh air and, in fact, tons of fun. Plot-wise, "FD 5" brings nothing new to the table, however, director Steven Quale's inventive direction and a few clever twists here and there make up for the lack of originality. The acting is decent from everyone involved, except for Nicholas D'Agosto. He appears a bit stiff in his role as Sam, and not very convincing at all. The rest of the cast is okay, with Jacqueline Wood being the eye-candy, and Miles Fisher - the standout. The visuals are definitely the strongest and slickest in the series so far. The bridge sequence in particular is nothing short of spectacular. The demolition of the bridge is so realistic and superbly-crafted, it feels like watching a tragic event on the news, rather than a horror movie sequence. "FD 5" is all about the deaths though. Every single one of the death scenes is executed to perfection, delightfully gross and in-your-face gory. You'll find yourself covering your eyes and turning your head off, but at the same time, deep inside, you'll be satisfied by the extreme graphicness of it. The 3D is well-used, beyond effective, and certainly adds to the horrific experience.

Overall summary: Although it's basically more-of-the-same, "FD 5" is almost a masterpiece compared to its dreadful predecessor, plus, thanks to its uber-creative death scenes, fantastic gore effects, and great use of 3D, this installment can be easily considered the best of the series.

Blogfest: Nebular's "Filthy" Dozen - The 12 Worst Movies Ever

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest:

My 12 Most-Hated Movies of All Time

[in alphabetical order]

My great friend, Alex J. Cavanaugh, hosts his 5th blogfest, and this time, it's all about the movies yet again. However, there's a twist. It's not about our favorite ones, but about those we hate and despise, which is a rather cool idea. Thanks for the awesome blogfest, Alex!

Over the years, I've seen tons of dumb, rotten, hideous and downright unwatchable movies, but those 12 listed below are definitely the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Check out my "Filthy Dozen" list, and let's see if you agree with me or not. :) I bet there are many worse films then those I list, but thankfully I haven't watched them. :)

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Uwe Boll constantly proves himself as one of the worst film-makers working today, and his video game-based piece of crap,"Along in the Dark", is probably the most stupid, uninspired, poorly-crafted and laughably terrible movie I've ever seen.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

I've never been so bored by a movie in my life, like I was bored by this one. Without a single interesting moment, "Ballistic" is hands down the dullest and most tedious action movie ever made. Period.

Barb Wire (1996)

Do I really need to say something about this film? It's all so obvious: Pam Anderson stars as a badass chick in a futuristic(?!) action thriller...!!! You're kidding me, right? This girl's brain has more silicone in it than her tits do.

Delta Farce (2007)

A "Delta Force" spoof, huh? Who's "brilliant" idea was that? "Farce" is an absolute comedic disaster and I hated every second of it!

Disaster Movie (2008)

There are decent spoofs, there are bad spoofs, there are some truly terrible spoofs, and then there's "Disaster Movie", that definitely lives up to its title.

D-Tox a.k.a. Eye See You (2000)

Slashers could not get any worse the that. This so-called killer-chiller has everything awful you could think of - cliches, predictability, lack of imagination, and... Sylvester Stallone.

FearDotCom (2002)

Fear my ass. This sadistic junk of a movie not only lacks scares, thrills and chills big time, but it's also one of the most ugly-looking and visually-sloppy horror movies ever created.

House of the Dead (2003)

Surprise, surpriiise! Another Uwe Boll film... which automatically means another pathetic effort! "House of the Dead" was so unbelievably horrible and so bloody dumb, I quit watching after 15 minutes.

Jason X (2002)

The "Friday 13th" films are by no means masterpieces, but this one clearly crossed the line of the acceptable. Jason Vorhees looks like cheap robot and slaughters people in space. How ridiculous is that?!

Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow (1994)

Painfully unfunny, terribly-made
and full of WTF moments, this 6th sequel of "Police Academy" is just as stupid as it sounds.

Rollerball (2002)

This remake of the 1975 "Rollerball" is choppy, ludicrous, terribly-acted, boring as hell, and completely unnecessary. I still can't believe I paid to see this shitty snooze-fest. Worst movie ever? Hell yeah!

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

"Urban Legends: Final Cut" is a poor sequel to a mediocre original. It's as simple as that. It features a boring killer, even more boring plot and out-of-this-world stupid characters. Pure slasher garbage!

Dishonorable mentions:

Wild Orchid (1990), Bats (1999), Watcher (2001), Valentine (2001), Soul Survivors (2001), Half Past Dead (2002), The Order (2003), Absolon (2003), The Thirst (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008)

[6.00/10] Atrocious (2011)

Atrocious (2011)

QuickRating: This Spanish 'found footage' horror flick is kind of a slow-burner, and despite its 75 min running time, it feels a bit too long and dragged out, because of its unimaginative plot, however, "Atrocious" delivers some believable performances, a couple of truly tense and chilling moments, and a shocking twist at the end, that not only works well, but also manages to make up for the screenplay's shortcomings.

[4.00/10] Shark Night [3D] (2011)

Shark Night [3D] (2011)

Full review: Being a big fan of shark-related movies and judging from "Shark Night"'s cool poster and previews, I expected this film to be pure mindless entertainment. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Despite the countless cliches, "Shark Night 3D" is quite watchable at first, even moderately fun at times, however, after the reveal of how the sharks have gotten into the lake, the movie gets dumber and dumber with each next scene, and turns into a big fat "fishy" mess, that hardly makes any sense. I can't believe I'm saying this, but if it was more straight-forward, it could have been a lot better and a lot more fun to watch than it actually was. The scares are also lacking big time, except for the fact that there are a couple of sudden shark attacks, that might make you jump out of your seat. "Final Destination 2" director, David R. Ellis, does a pretty good job in the first half of the movie, delivering plenty of creative and diverse camera angles, yet unfortunately, his direction goes absolutely out of control later on, and turns from decent to amateurishly lame. Maybe, in the right hands, "Shark Night" could have been a great silly fun, but sadly, it's just silly. The most (unpleasantly) surprising thing about this movie is, that the special effects are shockingly bad and poorly-executed. During the underwater scenes, the sharks and their movements look so cartoonishly fake and the CGI work is so obvious, it's laughable. The 3D ranges from decent to completely hideous, and adds nothing to the visuals of the movie, nor to the overall experience. On a positive note though, the scenery is beautiful, and the lake itself - absolutely glorious. Acting-wise, "Shark Night 3D" also disappoints. The entire cast is incredibly charming and full of fresh faces, however, none of the young actors/actresses possesses any acting skills whatsoever. Sara Paxton is as phony and incapable as she's cute, Dustin Milligan is ridiculously stiff, Joel David Moore is goofy as usual, Chris Zylka is nothing more than just a pretty face, and former American Idol contestant, Katharine McPhee, is mediocre at best in her role as Beth. Joshua Leonard as Red delivers the only worthy performance here.

Overall summary: A few fun-to-watch attack scenes aside, pretty much everything about "Shark Night 3D" is wrong - the story is absurd, the characters are shallow, the special effects are cheesy at best, and the conclusion is downright ridiculous. If you want to see a truly frightening, tense and realistic shark flick, check out Traucki's "The Reef" instead.