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Thursday, April 19, 2012

[1.00/10] Seven Below (2012)


Seven Below (2012)

Brief review: "The Fear Chamber" director's latest horror wannabe movie is about a group of strangers who, after a tour bus accident, find themselves trapped in a house with a terrible past, while they're trying to escape a forbidding storm. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Even from the laughably cheesy opening scene "Seven Below" screams cheap and amateurish. Furthermore, it contains every single horror cliche you could think of - possessed child murderer, ghost in the mirror and under the bed, nonsensical twist ending - it's all there, and it's neither scary, nor particularly fun to watch. Add to this one of the lamest, most uninspired scripts ever written, some lame dialogues and a bunch of unlikable characters you couldn't care about less, and you get "Seven Below". On a technical note, the movie is just as hideous. Kevin Carraway's direction is too generic and unskillful to make an impression, the special effects are crappy at best, and the haunted house, where most of the movie takes place in, is supposed to be creepy, but ironically enough, it looks quite cozy. Carraway uses gimmicks such as pouring rain, thick mist and loud thunders in order to create an ominous atmosphere, but it just doesn't work, since we all know fake storms ain't effective anymore. The overall acting is so bad, it's not worth mentioning, and Val Kilmer has been paid just to act like a jerk for about 30 min. Shame on him!

Overall summary: Terribly-written, poorly-crafted and jam-packed with countless tired cliches, "Seven Below" is not only one of the most boring, unfortunate and un-scary 'horror' movies of the past few years, but also the lowest point in Val Kilmer's once quite successful career.

24 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I think that's the lowest rating I've ever seen you give. Will avoid at all costs.

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Alex, it's not the lowest, but it's definitely one of the lowest ratings I've given.

I gave 0.75 to "Don't Go in the Woods", and I recently gave 0 to "Breaking Wind". Remember?

Maurice Mitchell said...

George, it is sad to see how far Kilmer has slid down the celebrity ladder. That concept (strangers trapped in a storm) has been done to death. The best one I've seen was "Identity." That flick is highly under-rated. Another dynamite review.
- Maurice Mitchell
The Geek Twins | Film Sketchr
@thegeektwins | @mauricem1972

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Maurice, it's sad indeed. He starred in some great films in the past, but his most recent are so bad, it's unbelievable. What a waste of talent!

Yes, "Identity" is exactly what I had in mind, while I was watching this crap.

Thanks, glad you enjoyed my review. :)

Alex Jowski said...

This was sitting in my Netflix queue for awhile. It's not anymore.

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Alex, LOL. Removing this crap from your Netflix queue is a smart decision. I think you'd hate it.

Melissa Bradley said...

I don't even like the name of this one Seven Below? Below what? I bet they were sitting around smoking a bong one night and came up with this craptacular movie. Great thrashing, my dear. :)

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Mel, I know, right. :) The title is so inappropriate! To me seven below sounds like -7 degrees.. Yes, there was a storm in the movie, but there's no way the temperature was below zero. The title is misleading and DUMB. Thanks, sweetheart. It deserved to be thrashed. :)

Hans Jákup said...

yeah, this one was terrible indeed. It'll most likely be on a lot of peoples "worst list" when the year is over.

Did you see "Snow White: A Deadly Summer" by the way? It's even worse than this.

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Hans, it would make my 'worst of 2012' list for sure.

No, I haven't. And now I know it's terrible, I doubt I ever will. :)

Maynard Morrissey said...

Hey, a low-budget ghost movie full of has-beens!
Never heard of 7 Below before. The trailer looks generic and unimaginative - I'll skip.

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Maynard, don't bother watching this mess, it's a complete waste of time.

Anonymous said...

Wish I had seen this review before I brought this horrible dvd home today...I don't know that I've seen Ving Rhames act this bad EVER...thought I had but I think THIS is the WORSE acting he has EVER done..why? would a black dude that looks like Ving Rhames own a house full of white people's pictures?

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Anonymous, I'm so sorry you wasted money to by this trash of a movie. I wish you had seen my review before the buy, too.

Ving Rhames is a decent actor, but he didn't have much to work with in this one.

"a black dude that owns a house full of white people's pictures" - LOL, I didn't even notice that. It's hilarious. You're so observant!

Amy said...

It looks like I may have missed this one on the radar, something I'm not too sad about after reading your review! Thanks for the warning!

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Amy, you should be glad you've never heard of this one. It's just hideous!

Ty said...

Thanks for the warning! Will definitely avoid this.

If this is the low point in Val Kilmer's career, that must mean it's REALLY BAD. Haha.

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Ty, you're welcome. :)

Val Kilmer must have been in a desperate need for some cash, otherwise I don't see a reason why he would agree to star in this terrible movie.

Anonymous said...

Wish I had seen this review before I got it.from redbox. Thank goodnes I had a promo code got it free....although I still feel ripped off

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Anonymous, and I wish I had never watch this piece of garbage.

You should be glad you got it for free, otherwise you'd feel like you've wasted your money on something that's not worth it at all.

isa le guen said...

bonjour george my name is isa and as you may see I'm french. This movie is not in our theaters yet in France, but thanks to your review I will definitly never gonna waste my time on it. However I love that kind of movies. which names of "horror" movies could you advice me if you don't mind? thank for your time

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Bonjour, Isa. :)

You should be glad that this piece of crap is not showing in your local theater, because it sucks big time, and you should not waste time and money on it.

You can check out my "Horror/Suspense" category on my left side bar, which contains more than 250 titles you could choose from. :)

Kari Current said...

I am a huge Val fan! I have been since I was about 12 and I will always watch him in any flick...good or bad! You are right about the predictable story and mostly poor acting though! I enjoyed Val in his recent endevors The Chaos Experiment and The Traveler. He is still talented and versatile and can save a bad movie (if he's not killed in the first 30 min)!! Sorry, I love him! Always have, always will.....he's my huckleberry ;-)

George Beremov [Nebular] said...

Kari, I have nothing against Val. He had some really good roles in the past. This movie, however, is just plain hideous, and I still can't believe he agreed to appear in it.