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Saturday, June 18, 2011

[3.50/10] Beastly (2011)


Beastly (2011)

Brief review: Loosely based on Alex Flinn's 2007 novel of the same name, "Beastly" plays like a modern version of Beauty and the Beast, but instead of paying a tribute to its source material in a refreshing sort of way, the movie ends up being a laughably cheesy romance, crafted with zero imagination whatsoever. Pretty much everything about "Beastly" feels contrived, rushed, fake and downright ludicrous, due to its uninspired and horribly-written script, full of countless cliches, absurd situations and lame on-liners, and Daniel Barnz's incompetent, lackluster direction. Even the moral message of "Beastly" that says 'It's the inner beauty that matters', feels dated, hackneyed, and way far from modern reality. Aside from some luxury indoor settings, and a couple of pretty shots, "Beastly" is nothing-to-write-home-about in terms of visuals - it's ugly inside and out, just like its main character. The make-up effects are quite poor as well, and as a result, the 'beastly' Kyle looks more like "300"'s Xerxes, rather than an actual freak. The acting is also atrocious. Alex Pettyfer is the new Hayden Christensen - good-looking, yet dull, lifeless, and lacking in acting skills. Vanessa Hudgens is pretty mediocre, while Neil Patrick Harris delivers in his role as the blind teacher, Will.

Overall summary: Dull, poorly-written and terribly-acted, "Beastly" is not only one of the worst movies of 2011 so far, but also one of the cheesiest romantic stories ever put on film. It's so bad, that any cheap TV version of "Beauty and the Beast" would be more worth-seeing.

12 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Knew there was a reason it was delayed.

LoneIslander said...

Just a crappy version of Beauty and the Beast.

Nebular said...

Alex, there certainly was. It was HIDEOUS, and the distributors knew it.

Nebular said...

LoneIslander, it's beyond crappy... it's a cinematic torture :)

Maynard Morrissey said...

Beastly seems to be such a shitty pile of crap, I'm actually interested in watching this, just for the lols :D

Melissa Bradley said...

Did you say cinematic torture? LMAO...Brilliant! I knew this was going to be very bad, I could scarcely tolerate the trailers. I'm sorry, but Vanessa Hudgeons does not have the skill set to own a starring role. Neither does Pettyfer. Both are pretty and vapid. Plus, this was written strictly for the Twilight crowd, which apparently does not require depth or imagination. I mean they think vampires sparkle in the sun and prefer to spend 100 years in high school.

Every millimeter of this fable has been told and there is utterly no new ground left. Nobody cares about pretty people having their looks taken away to "teach" them a lesson. It would be more of a lesson to keep them in their altered form and force them to change their way of living. I mean they know as soon as they "get it", they'll be pretty again. What's the point? I love the animated version and still find myself hoping Beast gets to stay a beast at the end instead of turning into that dreadful prince.

This a great skewering, done with wit and style. Excellent!

Nebular said...

Maynard, it's a piece of crap indeed. I'm sure you're gonna laugh hard while you watch it :)

Nebular said...

Mel, yes, I did... because it was a torture. :) I don't usually mind cheesy stuff, but this film got on my nerves. It was LAUGHABLE! Hey, Vanessa Hudgens is not even cute. Yuck. A plastic doll would act Pettyfer's parts better. He's that bad. I bet most Twilight fans embraced it.. because they're stupid, sentimental and because they get easily impressed with shits like this.

"Every millimeter of this fable has been told and there is utterly no new ground left." - Exactly! That says it all!

Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" is undoubtedly my all time favorite none-CGI animated flick. I was obsessed with it when I was little :)

Maynard Morrissey said...

The day will come where I dare to watch all these shit movies like Twilight, Red Riding Hood and Beastly.
This will probably be the lowest low-point in my blogging career :-D

Nebular said...

I watch all kind of movies. Sometimes I even enjoy watching shits, but "Beastly" wasn't one of those silly fun films. It was just atrocious.

Monica said...

Aw, I’m sad to read your review since I had high expectations for this movie. I was planning on watching it on the bus ride home tonight but now I’m not so sure. I could always watch something else. That’s one nice thing about working for DISH, I not only know about all of their technology but also about their great deals. In fact, right now they’re offering the Sling Adapter free. To find out how you can get it and get TV on your phone, check out http://bit.ly/k1ZtGO. It shortens the ride home by quite a bit!

Nebular said...

Hey, Monica! Welcome to my blog! :) I'm sorry, hon, it was pretty terrible. I wanted to like it so much, but I ended up hating it. A total cheese-fest!